Michael Lian

TALES OF BALLS & STICKS

Michael Lian
TALES OF BALLS & STICKS

Know a funny cricket joke? Tell us your funny cricket tales and we'll include them here too! 


Poor Billy

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their Father's did for a living.  All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry, etc. etc. but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his Father.

'My Father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of the other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him'.

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask if that was really true. 'No' said Billy 'he plays CRICKET for ENGLAND, but I was just too embarrassed to say'.


Cricket Heaven?

Michael Vaughan and Andrew [Freddie] Flintoff, now elderly, 85 and 82 years old, are sitting on a park bench outside Lord's cricket ground feeding pigeons and talking about funny cricket moments, past Ashes series, and tours like they do every day.

Michael turns to Freddie and asks, 'Do you think there's cricket in heaven?' 

Freddie thinks about it for a minute and replies, 'I dunno. But let's make an agreement: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.' They shake hands on it.

Sadly, a few months later, poor Freddie passes on.

One day soon afterward, Vaughany is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, 'Michael................Michael' 

Vaughan responds, 'Freddie, is that you?' Yes it is, Michael, 'whispers Freddie's ghost.

Vaughany, still amazed, enquires, 'So, is there cricket in heaven? 'Well, 'says Freddie, 'I've got good news and bad news.' 
'Gimme the good news first, 'says Vaughany.

Freddie opines, 'Well... there is cricket in heaven.' 

Vaughan says, 'That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?' 

Freddie sighs and whispers, 'You are going to open the innings this Friday.'


In & Out

A blonde woman ran into a police station wailing. She claimed that she had been raped. After she stopped sobbing, the Police Officer requested her for a description of the rapist. "He was tall and dressed in white. He was wearing all sorts of protective pads, gloves and helmet."

"Hmmm...appears to be a cricketer," concluded the policeman. "Ah officer!" she confirmed, "then he must have been an English cricketer."

"What makes you think that he was English? From the accent?" asked the officer.

"No sir," she replied, "he just didn't stay in very long." 


A cricketer has an advantage over a fisherman. He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
 


What did the cricket fan miss when he went to the bar?
The entire England innings.

 

Why don’t English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
Because they never catch anything.

 

What do you call a Brit who can hold a catch? 
A fisherman.